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The terrible scourge of Googlephilia and what it means for you

google-article
We notice that the Urban Dictionary is annoyingly cluttered with a huge number of fairly pointless variations on the name Google – like Googlemé to describe a search-inspired resumé.

The victim often exhibits disorientation and delusional beliefs, leading to obsessive idealising of Google.

Well in our view that’s a silly word, so Privacy Surgeon decided that it’s important to introduce some structure so genuinely beneficial terms can be created. Needless to say, we’ve come up with medical expressions.

As a note for those readers who are into language structure, the ability to make portmanteaus quite easily out of the word Google is implicit in its nature as a trochee (a stressed syllable followed by an unstressed one). By contrast, Amazon is a dactyl and Yahoo is an iamb, depending on whether you’re actually enthusiastic about it. So there.

Googlephilia. An abnormal attraction to Google products that can – in extreme cases – result in behavioural dysfunction. The victim often exhibits disorientation and delusional beliefs, leading to obsessive idealising of Google. Not to be confused with the severe chronic pathology of Googlemania.

The Googleoscopy is a virtual endoscopic procedure used for intimate inspection of the online consumer.

Googleplegia. Partial cerebral paralysis brought about by over-exposure to hype about Google Glass.

Googleoscopy. In a similar technique to a colonoscopy, the Googleoscopy is a virtual endoscopic procedure used for intimate inspection of the online consumer. Its function is to probe private areas to extract deeply personal information.

Googlephobia. An irrational fear that Google is attempting to monopolise the world’s information resources while eliminating personal privacy.

Googleostomy. This is a widely used invasive procedure to create a metaphorical incision in the customer from which personal information can be extracted by way of a permanent data drip. A Googleostomy is performed with the aid of  an amalgamated privacy policy that permits limitless access to personal data.

Googleostomy is performed with the aid of  an amalgamated privacy policy that permits limitless access to personal data.

Googlectomy. The surgical removal of Google products that have become embedded into a person’s lifestyle. Rapid removal can result in severe trauma but is necessary to prevent further dependence and risk.

Googlepsy. A seizure induced by sensory overload from the use of too many Google products.

Googlemania. A severe chronic mental condition in which the victim exhibits extreme obsessive affection toward Google services. The condition is characterized by hysterical and deranged rants about the company’s pivotal role as savour of freedom throughout the known universe. See also the less severe Googlephilia.

Googlephylaxis.  Procedures intended to protect the consumer against the pernicious effects of Google surveillance. The procedure may involve use of data protection law to curb the spread of information infection.

Googlerrhea. Google marketing campaigns.

Googleopathy. Refers generally to any of the 4,200 known Google pathologies.