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The secret diary of a Neo-Nazi

 

As narrated to Simon Davies

 

Dear Diary,

8AM Well, here it is. The Big Push. Must get myself ready for the march. Every other guy in this country is probably still in bed, fondling their black boyfriend, but not me! I’m up and about, bopping to Rage Against The Machine. Might take a look through my Reichsmusikkammer Greatest Hits collection later. But first, some American breakfast.

8.30 Samuel Adams, Hash Browns and eggs. That couldn’t be more American, could it. Feel healthy and energised now, ready for the big day. Had an invigorating cold shower but couldn’t find any soap that doesn’t have perfume in it. I don’t want to smell like a gay Jew. I sniff my armpits and consequently feel all manly. Now I can kiss my Donald Trump poster, but must remember not to use my tongue.

8.45 Epic fail on the tongue front, but I’m now safely on the phone, chatting to my friends about logistics. All my friends are called James, Dillon or Brad. Good American names, even if Dillon is a bit suspect. I’ll call him Brad to be on the safe side.

My friends Dillon and Brad at our last house party

 9.30 I’m on Facebook using my secret alias; a black Jewish trannie called Sabrina. Ha! They’ll never suspect it’s me. Just got more friend requests from loads of James, Dillon and Brad guys. Wow, we now have the biggest black Jewish trannie group in the South. I love the power of anonymity.

10.00 Must get on the email and contact more people about today. I’d use America Online but they hire too many of those “other” people. I must remember to switch on my American VPN. That’s safe, right?

10.30 OK, now for the important bits. First, hair. We’ve been told to avoid the skinhead look, so we’re going with the Number 3 army Crew Cut, buzzed slightly at the sides and with a flat top. My friend Dillon (aka Brad) has been shaping it for me. He has nice hands.

11.00 The hair is done and it looks awesome! I feel so excited, so Dillon is giving me a massage to calm me down. Anyway, enough of this fun stuff. I must dress! Clothes… what to wear? Uniforms are apparently out of the question for anyone but those fat stupid dudes who stack shelves at Walmart but pretend to be Hitler on the weekend. Uniforms worked for a while in Germany but the fad never lasts. Even Brad at the KKK stopped wearing his all-white outfit (it clashed with his black boots anyway, so no great loss). It seems the Jewish/liberal media latch on to that sort of thing. So much for free expression. Next thing the government will start banning racial intolerance and kittens. That’s NOT the America I want.

Uniforms are apparently out of the question for anyone but those fat stupid dudes who stack shelves at Walmart but pretend to be Hitler on the weekend.


1 PM I’ve been leafing through some fashion mags with Dillon. It’s so hard to decide! Sometimes I feel like just pinching myself that I have such a nice slim figure. It means I can imagine myself posing in the coolest (American) brands. Pity there aren’t more cool American labels. Sigh. OK, decide decide. Christian Dior or Michael Kors? It’s sometimes hard to find straight designers like those.

2 PM OK, so I decided to go with the discount T.J.Maxx look. Earthy colours; fifty percent polyester. That way we all blend in. But hang on… Brad’s going in black and red. I will NOT be upstaged by him again! Having a minor crisis here.

2.15 God, all his effort is EXHAUSTING so I’ve decided to watch excerpts from The Sound of Music. It’s a musical written by a couple of non-Jewish guys called Rodgers and Hammerstein about the way blacks colluded with the Zionists to overthrow a leading lesbian militant called Maria von Trapp. Or something like that. I just like watching the bit with the tall blonde Brownshirt.

2.45  Right. Hair done, clothes chosen. Applied my henna Swastika tattoos. Time to practice my Nazi salute. But Oww! Did it too fast and now I’ve gone and sprained my shoulder. Never mind, one of my new Facebook friends is coming over to fix it.

3 PM  It turns out my Facebook friend is actually a black Jewish trannie, but hey. It’s all for the cause. Dillon has stormed off in a jealous hissy-fit. What a fag!