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Diary of a Google Glass enthusiast

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Monday.

Awesome! My Google Glass arrived today. Or is it Google Glasses? Who cares. Now I’m certain to be cool. Marie from Accounts will HAVE to notice me.

I can’t stop the annoying flashing blue icon in my cornea.

Running late for work though. It’s been downloading apps for two hours and I had to reboot the system twice but, hey, gives me time to read the manual and make breakfast. And lunch.

It’s a bit weird walking down the street with these things, but I guess I’ll get used to it. I can’t stop the annoying flashing blue icon in my cornea. Must refer to the manual again when I get a spare hour.

I’ll switch it off for the time being.

Tuesday.

OK, I think I’ve got the hang of it now. Downloaded the face recognition app, the news headline app, the shopping hint app and the Bar Finder app. My life will be enriched.

I’ve suddenly noticed a lot of really angry looking people wearing t-shirts that say things like “Record me and I’ll punch you in the head”,

I take to the streets.

I’ve suddenly noticed a lot of really angry looking people wearing t-shirts that say things like “Record me and I’ll punch you in the head”, but it’s easy enough to turn the other way. My favourite coffee shop also banned them, which is a pain. Problem is I ordered a prescription Glass to replace my old spectacles, so when I become de-Googled I can’t see anything.

Coming out of the coffee shop I trip over face down onto the sidewalk. Fortunately someone wearing a Google Glass captured the hilarity and the incident went straight onto YouTube. Thankfully she’d downloaded the auto-paint app so you can hardly see any blood!

Wednesday.

Found out that these things are also really good for scaring old people.

Alright, this is getting annoying. My local bar just banned Google Glass and now I have to search for another place to hang out with my Glass friends. We had a major row with our cave-dwelling non-Glass ex-mates so we started our own club. Screw you philistines.

Found out that these things are also really good for scaring old people. And some young people too. They’ll get used to it. My dad told me people used to be afraid of nuclear reactors, but look how much richer our lives are now.

I see out of the corner of my eye that Europe has banned Google Glass. Too many privacy issues apparently. France negotiated some sort of auto disabling technology so the glasses just go black when you’re in a prohibited zone, but people instantly fell over on the street when that happened. Then French people would take pictures of them with ordinary cameras. How undignified.

Thursday.

Not only can I spot people I want to say hello to, but I can spot people I want to avoid.

I can’t believe how awesome the face recognition app is. Not only can I spot people I want to say hello to, but I can spot people I want to avoid. And the more apps I load the more I learn about what my targetted friends have been up to, so I’m never lost for a conversation starter.  I even installed the “Most Wanted” FBI app which alerts me – and them – if someone nasty appears on screen. It’s great to be a useful citizen.

There’s suddenly a lot going on in my peripheral vision at the moment. I didn’t read the fine print on the Glass discount sales contract and now I have advertisements spewing into my brain. At least I know every variant of Viagra on the market!

I didn’t read the fine print on the Glass discount sales contract and now I have advertisements spewing into my brain.

It’s kind of hard to walk in a straight line though. You know how people slow down when making a cellphone call? Well they just stop dead in the street these days. The psychologists call it “sensory overload” and it’s caused a lot of road accidents. Meh. Natural selection, that’s what I say.

Friday.

Marie from Accounts asked me to go out today. Well, actually, she asked me to go out of the office. She said we’ve been losing customers. I argued that it works both ways though. We don’t like customers wearing Glass because they keep trying to use the images as evidence that we did something wrong. And they don’t like us wearing them because, well, they say it’s creepy.

I can wait. It took fifty years for street lighting to take off.