18 things that will happen to your life when you become a privacy advocate

368912557_2fc44d3709_bBy Simon Davies

Ever been curious about what will happen to your life when you become concerned about privacy? Here’s the Privacy Surgeon’s warning guide to what you can expect.


1. You won’t trust anything digital, ever again – and you especially won’t trust any product that claims it’ll protect your privacy.

2. Although you still won’t have actually read a company privacy policy, you’ll notice the phrase creeping into your vocabulary.

nsa_eye3. You start noticing those ads on Facebook and realise they’re actually speaking directly to you.

4. You start using expressions like “encryption” and “man in the middle” without merely wanting to appear clever.

5. When the sales person at the local electronics store asks for your name and address, you decide to become the customer from hell.

6. Facebook’s impossibly hard privacy controls will no longer just irritate and confound you; they will become a serious ethical matter worthy of public displays of anger.

7. You start to see reason in the claim that most police and security officials are telling only half the truth – and the rest are pathological liars.

8. The guy on the television who you once described as a “paranoid privacy nut” is now one of the visionaries you regularly re-tweet.

9. You imagine that every CCTV surveillance camera is scrutinising you in full zoom mode – and for the first time since your teens you want to make a rude gesture at them.

10. When friends flippantly remark “I have nothing to hide” you provoke an argument with them, leading to some serious bar-table thumping.

11. Google is suddenly no longer “cool”.

12. That airport body scanner you happily submitted to for all these years suddenly becomes an object of loathing.Funny-bathroom-shower-curtain-decorating-ideas

13. You start to realise that cookies aren’t as innocent as you once thought, and you make sure to regularly tell bemused friends about your concerns.

14. You realise – contrary to everything you once believed – that “terms and conditions” are always intended to screw you.

15. When a politician comes onto the television and tries to justify the latest surveillance initiative, you instinctively say “bastard” quite loudly.

16. Suddenly, your concern over what your children post on social media becomes more about their future than their present.

17. You realise that there’s no such thing as a free gift if there’s an information form involved.

18. A tiny part of your brain starts imagining that every slight technical problem is caused by the NSA – which is usually the case.