Category Archive: Satire

Data Protection complaint lodged against Santa Claus over unlawful mass surveillance

By Simon Davies Following a complaint to the Icelandic Prime Minister over surveillance activities by Christmas trolls, the Privacy Surgeon has escalated its campaign against intrusive Christmas entities by writing to Russian president Vladamir Putin to formally complain about mass surveillance being routinely conducted by Santa Claus. The complaint is set out below. 20th December 2016 …

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Rant: A new style of online news headline has emerged – and it’ll make you so angry you’ll explode.

By Simon Davies Astute readers will have noted – probably with dismay – the rise of a new genre of online news headline. It’s a style that has the potential to become even more infuriating than the syntactic ambiguity of the “red top” tabloids (e.g. “Headless Body in Topless Bar“). These emergent headlines are maddening …

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The twenty privacy principles translated into Spanish

With huge thanks to our friend and Privacy Surgeon collaborator Gemma Galdon Clavell for this translation Los 20 principios sobre la privacidad que no te enseñarán en la escuela Por Simon Davies PRINCIPIOS GENERALES 1.    Las organizaciones responsables describen la privacidad como un ‘derecho’, las que no se enteran hablan de ella como un ‘valor’ …

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The twenty privacy principles they never taught you at school

By Simon Davies GENERAL PRINCIPLES 1. Responsible organisations describe privacy as a “right”, unaware ones talk of it as a “value” and bad players lambast it as an “interest”. 2. Most people in power only support privacy rights when they’re about to get dumped into a scandal. 3. Claims of a conflict between privacy and …

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18 things that will happen to your life when you become a privacy advocate

By Simon Davies Ever been curious about what will happen to your life when you become concerned about privacy? Here’s the Privacy Surgeon’s warning guide to what you can expect.   1. You won’t trust anything digital, ever again – and you especially won’t trust any product that claims it’ll protect your privacy. 2. Although …

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The official (and insulting) 2016 privacy horoscope

2016 will be a momentous year for all the astrological houses. Privacy, in particular, will be massively influenced by a shift from air and water, to earth and fire. Here, Simon “the oracle” Davies analyses the charts and presents the definitive privacy horoscope for the year ahead.   Aries: March 21 – April 19 As …

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Seven perfect gifts for privacy advocates

 By Simon Davies It’s not too late to buy the perfect Christmas gift for the privacy advocate in your life. And, well, if you miss Christmas, you know the plan; just wrap it in tin-foil and call it a New Year’s present.   1. Window tint kit. $40 – $400. The perfect gift for any …

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The Privacy Surgeon lodges formal data protection complaint against Iceland’s “Yule Lads” trolls

By Simon Davies Following complaints from a number of readers, the Privacy Surgeon has lodged a formal Request for Investigation with the Prime Minister of Iceland over the activities of a criminal enterprise known in Icelandic folklore as “The Yule Lads” (jólasveinarnir). This gang of trolls has been terrorizing Iceland’s population for centuries, but they …

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The inside scoop on the real story behind Britain’s new surveillance law

By Simon Davies Amidst thunderous applause, UK Home Secretary Theresa May today launched the government’s long-awaited draft mass surveillance law. The “Protect Britain from Nasty People” bill (PBNP) has been heralded as a triumph of spin management. Its publication was preceded by a series of publicly funded games and sporting spectacles, all aimed at convincing …

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US police shoot two journalists and a dog during press conference on police reform

By Simon Davies BALTIMORE A press conference held earlier today on proposed measures to curb violence by US police, ended in chaos after police officers shot and seriously wounded two participating journalists. The event – jointly convened by the Ferguson and Baltimore police departments – was intended to showcase a new campaign to reduce the …

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